Oceans

I love the beach. I always have. The sand in my toes, the smell of the salt water, the sound of the seagulls. But there is more to it. I used to stand at the edge of the water and feel small. Overwhelmed at the vastness before me. A sense of despair would wash over me. I was nothing but a speck in the immense emptiness. Alone. No matter how hard I would search, I couldn't see anything but water. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of the waves pounding the shoreline. I felt as if the waves would sweep me off into the dark. The waves were just so powerful. Pulling me in. Taking me under. Drowning me.

Honestly, it's how my life felt. Hopeless. Dark. Overwhelming. I guess standing at the water's edge personified all of the feelings I had...it brought them into something tangible. Have you ever felt that way? Like nothing matters? I remember always searching for something, anything to fill the vast emptiness. Anything to make me feel like it all mattered. Like I was more than just an unimportant speck in this universe.

“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me” Psalm 42:7

Eventually, I turned back to God.

And as I grew in faith I found that feeling disappearing. I began to feel hope. I began to see the beauty of the waters. I began to feel as if there was a presence that would never allow me to be swallowed by the depths of the sea but rather, would hold me as I walked upon the waters.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you Isaiah 43:2

I knew of God before. I believed in His existence. I understood him from a historical aspect, an academic stance. But it wasn't until I truly embraced a relationship with Him that I really knew Him. And that's when everything changed. When you have a relationship with Him, you can have life with Him. You begin to see things in a new way, in a new light. You can reclaim a life, a purpose that you didn’t even know you lost. You are made strong in ways you never imagined possible. You can have a freedom that is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. You are made new, completely transformed in Him.

And that is where the good stuff is. That is where life is. That is where purpose is. That is where identity is.

I can now see hope where there once was despair. I can see joy where there once was sorrow. I can feel love and life where there was nothing.

Now when I stand at the edge of the water in awe of its grace and power, I do not feel alone but closer to God in that place than anywhere else I feel as if the waves could not budge me. I feel strong standing there against the waves. Nothing can stop me or move me as long as He is with me. And He always is.

O LORD God of hosts, who is mighty as you are, O LORD, with your faithfulness all around you? You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves rise, you still them. Psalm 89:8-9

Keep finding the light...